Balance. A word, or concept that we hear a lot of today. According to Webster’s Dictionary – the definition for balance is a quarter of a page in length! But the two I believe to be most to the point are; ’to be in or come into a state of equilibrium’ and ‘the means or power to decide’.
In my Life Coaching practice many clients come to me initially with unmet goals, expectations and often, food issues. Interestingly, most all of our conversations and work end up in the realm of balance. Whether that desired balance is in work, relationships, one’s body – food and activity levels, spiritual searching or the urge to give back and make a difference – the one resounding theme is that there are too many choices!
Further confirmation of this dilemma came to me through teaching a course on Motivational Dynamics & Goal Setting to both Adult Education and Secondary School students – the one common denominator was not identifying goals, but rather narrowing the choices to a workable number!
On a daily basis – we are all bombarded with the message that we can have it ALL!
This message is not only untrue – but also actually harmful to us (and even more so to our children!) in that it sets an irrational, improbable standard. My clients begin to think ‘what is wrong with me?’ if they don’t have it ‘all’ or (gasp!) perhaps not even want to!
I know – some will say – why are you limiting anyone by this perspective? Let’s revisit the second dictionary definition; ‘the means or power to decide’. I believe this is a very powerful, (when used!) tool for us as we work our way though the myriad of options available today. To look at your options and clearly decide to pursue one or two – to put focused energy into one or two options and reap the benefits of perhaps enjoying them and doing them well – vs. being overwhelmed, overcommitted and grossly unsatisfied – I challenge the naysayers – that rather than limiting – this is true freedom!
Let’s look at four very simple steps that everyone can take, as we move towards (and yes, it is a process – not a destination!) that seemingly elusive Balance.
- Our Sound or Noise Environment – do you wake to the annoying blare of an alarm clock? Is there a CD player, radio or television on at your house 24/7? Your children’s video games? Telephones, pagers, etc.? While some people find certain sounds a disturbance or annoyance – others use them as a distraction – something that can also prove unhealthy in the long run. Try choosing Noise Free times and or zones in your home. Then – during those ‘ok for sound times’ – choose what you expose yourself to – and for how long. (For those who have household access to our local cable company – there is a great choice of digital music channels offering many relaxing sound alternatives)
- How about our Visual Environment – do we spend too much time looking at sensational news stories, fast-paced action series, your email, etc? Turn OFF the TV –turn OFF the COMPUTER - get outside – go for a walk! Let your eyes feast on the fantastic views of nature that we are afforded here in Southern California. No babysitter? Take your children with you! Show them alternatives early – make it fun! Have them count the trees, spell and remember the street names or skip, instead of walk - every other block.
- Next – let’s look at our People Environment. While it’s true that most of us don’t have a choice with whom we interact with at work – we CAN choose How we interact – with anyone! What about friends? Family? Any ‘toxic’ relationships in your life? While we cannot expect to live in fantasyland and have everyone we know agree with us all of the time – we certainly want to have those around us be supportive. And one of the best and easiest ways to ensure that environment – is to give it! Be that friend, or sister, or Mom – practice good listening skills. Make advice giving (unless solicited) a minimum in your life. When presented with challenging situations – rather than looking for or thinking of the worst - case scenario – practice finding the best possible outcomes. In time – it will become second nature! And - smile more!
- What about our Language Environment? Word choices -both in conversation with others – and – equally important – within us – what does it sound like? Is it sprinkled with “ I have to’s” and “ I should’s” ? Does your language to yourself and others put you in a ‘victim mode’ – or is it more powerful? Reflecting choice – yours! Such as “ I am going to…” , “ I will….” Or “ I’ve chosen to …..” , “I’ve decided to…”, “I get to”…? Taking responsibility through language allows you to make choices in how you spend your time – providing you the opportunity to live more of your life in Balance – rather than feeling overwhelmed or out of control.
There is much written today about the physical balance in life: consuming only wholesome, nutritious foods, staying hydrated, keeping our bodies in motion, proper rest, etc., but I challenge each of you to think about the one thing that you do, the one thing that you love – that really energizes you – gets your creative juices flowing - that puts you in ‘ Your Zone’. There is no wrong answer – the ones I’ve received to date – range from: listening to a certain type of music (or singing it or dancing to it!), drawing, painting, taking photographs, gardening, flower-arranging, getting together with friends, family, helping others, watching a fantastic sunset (or sunrise!), playing with animals, reading a great book, taking a walk or run so early in the morning quiet – that you’re sure you are the only one awake in the world! What ever it is – choose to do a bit of it – each and every day. You’ll be recharged and refreshed – and gain a different perspective in the process!
May you live long,
May you be present in each moment,
And may your life be in Balance more often than not!
©2006
Christine S. Fox, Ph.D.
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